Hello and welcome to my home page.

My name is Andrew Moss, and I am a fat bastard with no friends (which is because I tend to rip them off and destroy their lives whenever possible). I am self employed, though I won't go into too much detail as to the nature of my business, firstly because it is illegal, and secondly, because I haven't given a penny to the tax man in several years.

I am currently dating a Las Vegas prostitute, which should give you an idea as to the kind of shallow, gullible dickhead that I am. Not that I can't be a ruthless bastard when I want to. Only the other week I decided to shit on a friend of some ten years standing from a great height.

See, I used to employ him (well, I guess you could call it that) to write and maintain web pages for me. This was for a highly dodgy, inferior product I used to sell over the net (by the way, anyone out there who bought a WildCard from me… SUCKERS!)

This went on for about a year, and then on a whim I decided to sack him. Of course I promised to continue paying him for a short while - after all, we had previously made an agreement about just that - and the sucker thought I would actually do it! Now he and his girlfriend are struggling to find enough money every week to pay the bills, and it's all down to me. Don't you just love power?

Oh, and just to add insult to injury, I sold him a couple of knackered CD burners (I like CD burners… I have lots!) for some five hundred quid, and then he returned them to me for replacements - so not only do I have his money, but I have the goods as well. And I'm not giving them back, either! It just get's better, doesn't it?

My hobbies include ripping off just about everyone I can (so that I can send the money to a prostitute, who is in turn ripping me off, but I'm just too stupid to see it) and sitting in front of my PC wanking off to porn (which is very sad, I know, but when the only chance of a shag you have is several thousand miles away, what's a guy to do?).

If you think I'm a complete wanker, why not give me a ring on 0181 318 2171 or 0181 318 2172 and let me know. Any time, day or night. I'd love to hear from you.

Alternatively, you could call on me personally and punch me in the head if you like. I live at 44 Longhurst Road, Lewisham, London. SE13 5LP. Or send a parcel bomb - be creative.

I regret I can't accept insults by email, as I never actually collect any (due to the fact it's all from dissatisfied customers demanding their money back, and from ex friends I have ripped off), but if you want to mailbomb my account anyway, please direct your nukes to [email protected].